Funny quotes about life is all about poking fun at life in general, and seeing that death is a part of life, it’s got to be a part of this site. How can death be made funny…why not? Here are some of the best funny quotes about death Woody Allen “It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” And here is the great “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying.” Emo Philips “I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.” Patrick Moore “At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I’m not there I carry on as usual.”

Death is no laughing matter…or is it? Try some of these funny quotes about death…

Mark Twain said “The report of my death was an exaggeration.” Mariah Carey “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.” Or another from Woody Allen “On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.” Or the Great Sir Winston Churchill who said “I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.”

Here is a rather good funny quote about death by the great Jay Leno ” According to the L.A. Times, Attorney General John Ashcroft wants to take “a harder stance” on the death penalty. What’s a harder stance on the death penalty? We’re already killing the guy? How do you take a harder stance on the death penalty? What, are you going to tickle him first? Give him itching powder? Put a thumbtack on the electric chair.” Or how about this one from Jerry Seinfeld ” A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.”

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Famous quotes about life can inspire us, they can lead us forward into avenues of life where we felt we could never reach because they are inspirational. Famous quotes about life have been told down through the generations by statesmen, philosophers, psychologists, religious leaders, and comedians to name but a few. Sometimes the funny quotes about life written by the comedians can be the surest here are some of my favorites.

Famous quotes about life from Billy Connolly

“My parents used to take me to Lewis’ department store in Glasgow. They were skinflints, they used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was the zoo.”

“I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.”

“Poor Michael Jackson and these sex allegations. As if it’s not bad enough him being a Jehova’s Witness, they’re accusing him of behaving like a catholic priest!”

Famous quotes about life from Groucho Marx

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”

“I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.”

“Why don’t you go home to your wife? Better yet, I’ll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won’t notice any difference.”

Famous quotes about life from Woody Allen

“If it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever.”

“I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.”

“I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.”

“Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought– particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.”

There are plenty more funny quotes about life on the Internet as there are cute quotes about life, quotes about friends, about me quotes, quotes about men, and quotes about leadership.

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Welcome to funny quotes about life.

At funny quotes about life our intention is to provide you with some light relief. This is our only aim. To give you a taste of some of the best minds that this world has ever produced and something to hopefully cheer up your day. Stick around and take your time searching through the different posts. We are adding all the time so please do come back.

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So what makes funny quotes about life. Well, funny quotes about life have to be funny for a start, like “You know the speed of light, so what’s the speed of dark?” Or “If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings including this one.” Or, how about this one for a specimen of funny quotes about life, “An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, ‘So far so good!’”

Funny quotes about life are also meant to be about life. Thankfully anything can be mentioned here because everything is part of life. We can go into marriage and love, life and death, work, school, sickness and health, people in general, history, geography, there have been funny quotes about life that refer to all of these and more.

The last thing that funny quotes about life must have is quotes. Most of the time you will find that any funny quotes about life that are printed here will have quotes around them, will be quotes from people, alive or dead, some of them are named because they are known by the author, others will not be named because they are either anonymous or whose names have been lost in the sense of time.

“Two guys were staring up a flagpole. A woman walked by and asked the two men what they were doing. One of the men turned to her and said ‘it’s our job to measure the height of that flagpole but we don’t have any ladder. The woman promptly took a wrench from her purse, she undid the bolts at the bottom of the flagpole, laid the flagpole in the ground, took out the measuring tape and measured the flagpole from tip to base. She put the measuring tape and the wrench back in her purse, came over to the two stunned men and said ‘15 feet and 4 inches’, and promptly walked away. One of the guys turned out to the other and said ‘Isn’t that typical of a woman, you tell her you need the height and she gives you the length.”

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