Somebody once said “Do I give my friends advice? Jesus, no. They wouldn’t take advice from me. Nobody should take advice from me. I haven’t got a clue about anything.” But, I believe that there are enough people out there that haven’t got a clue and we do want to listen to. There are many people out there who can tell you funny life quotes and sayings have been some, that you do want to listen to.
I want to start the ball rolling with some funny life quotes sayings from the eminent Bill Cosby.
“A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he’s in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station. ”
“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
“As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by “survival of the fittest.”"
“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”
“Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you’re telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much. ”
Here is some Jay Leno funny quotes on life and love that I hope you will enjoy.
“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.”
“According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it.”
“Scientists are complaining that the new Dinosaur movie shows dinosaurs with lemurs, who didn’t evolve for another million years. They’re afraid the movie will give kids a mistaken impression. What about the fact that the dinosaurs are singing and dancing?”
“Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night’s Democratic debate.”
And finally, some funny inspirational life quotes from the brain of Sir Winston Churchill.
“Men occasionally stumble on the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. ”
“Many forms of Government have been tried, and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of Government except all those others that have been tried from time to time.”
“Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.”
“Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.””
“Once in a while you will stumble upon the truth but most of us manage to pick ourselves up and hurry along as if nothing had happened.”
